questions of no importance
Meet Malachi, the magic 8-ball:
Q: Does God exist?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Does God love me?
A: SIGNS POINT TO YES.
Q: Do I love God?
A: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Q: Is that enough?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is there a difference between "enough" and "everything"?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is God love?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
Q: Then is God greater than love?
A: REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN.
Q: Then is God greater than love?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Does God permeate all existence, rather than standing outside of it?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Then is there a real difference between loving what exists and loving God?
A: CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN.
Q: (with furrowed brow) Then IS there a real difference between loving what exists and loving God?!
A: CANNOT PREDICT NOW.
Q: Can you predict the weather?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Is my body absolutely distinct from my soul?
A: MY ANSWER IS NO.
Q: Is the rest of the physical world absolutely distinct from my body?
A: VERY DOUBTFUL.
S: Sounds like Shankara was right.
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is there a wrong way to live?
A: YES.
Q: Is there a right way to live?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
Q: Is there an a priori religious "premise" to humanity?
A: BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW.
Q: Is it possible for Christianity to be radically without religion?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is love the highest law?
A: IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.
Q: Is love the only law?
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
Q: Is it actually necessary to have a developed or systematised central belief?
A: VERY DOUBTFUL.
Q: Do belief and knowledge essentially have the same requisite conditions?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: But is there still a difference between the two in terms of actual qualification?
A: YES.
Q: Then is it right for Christians, whose confessed faith is a belief, to attempt to qualify their faith as knowledge?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
Q: Relatively speaking, am I hard to love?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is it unreasonable of me to demand reciprocity in (most) relationships?
A: MOST LIKELY.
Q: Can love be destructive?
A: YOU MAY RELY ON IT.
Q: When I "trust in God" am I ultimately discerning/deciding, according to my own faculties, what God wants me to do?
A: IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.
Q: So am I not ultimately trusting in myself, and in my own understanding of God?
A: YOU MAY RELY ON IT.
Q: Am I really a liberal Protestant?
A: MOST LIKELY.
Q: Are you John Connor?
A: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Q: Is the world really divisible into rock stars and groupies?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is it possible to live without passion?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is it possible to live a worthwhile life without passion?
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
Q: Are people inherently evil?
A: AS I SEE IT YES.
Q: Are people inherently good?
A: YES.
Q: Are good and evil really inherent attributes, or are they just descriptors of human actions (and therefore not inherent)?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Is human culture evil?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Is religion an example of human culture?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is it better to love people and ignore God than to love God and ignore people?
A: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Q: Do you think most people would misunderstand the meaning or intent of these questions?
A: AS I SEE IT YES.
Q: Will the Red Wings win the Stanley Cup?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
S: Your sources are wrong.
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
Q: Does God exist?
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
Q: Does God exist?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Does God love me?
A: SIGNS POINT TO YES.
Q: Do I love God?
A: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Q: Is that enough?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is there a difference between "enough" and "everything"?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is God love?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
Q: Then is God greater than love?
A: REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN.
Q: Then is God greater than love?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Does God permeate all existence, rather than standing outside of it?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Then is there a real difference between loving what exists and loving God?
A: CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN.
Q: (with furrowed brow) Then IS there a real difference between loving what exists and loving God?!
A: CANNOT PREDICT NOW.
Q: Can you predict the weather?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Is my body absolutely distinct from my soul?
A: MY ANSWER IS NO.
Q: Is the rest of the physical world absolutely distinct from my body?
A: VERY DOUBTFUL.
S: Sounds like Shankara was right.
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is there a wrong way to live?
A: YES.
Q: Is there a right way to live?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
Q: Is there an a priori religious "premise" to humanity?
A: BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW.
Q: Is it possible for Christianity to be radically without religion?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is love the highest law?
A: IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.
Q: Is love the only law?
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
Q: Is it actually necessary to have a developed or systematised central belief?
A: VERY DOUBTFUL.
Q: Do belief and knowledge essentially have the same requisite conditions?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: But is there still a difference between the two in terms of actual qualification?
A: YES.
Q: Then is it right for Christians, whose confessed faith is a belief, to attempt to qualify their faith as knowledge?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
Q: Relatively speaking, am I hard to love?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is it unreasonable of me to demand reciprocity in (most) relationships?
A: MOST LIKELY.
Q: Can love be destructive?
A: YOU MAY RELY ON IT.
Q: When I "trust in God" am I ultimately discerning/deciding, according to my own faculties, what God wants me to do?
A: IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.
Q: So am I not ultimately trusting in myself, and in my own understanding of God?
A: YOU MAY RELY ON IT.
Q: Am I really a liberal Protestant?
A: MOST LIKELY.
Q: Are you John Connor?
A: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Q: Is the world really divisible into rock stars and groupies?
A: IT IS CERTAIN.
Q: Is it possible to live without passion?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is it possible to live a worthwhile life without passion?
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
Q: Are people inherently evil?
A: AS I SEE IT YES.
Q: Are people inherently good?
A: YES.
Q: Are good and evil really inherent attributes, or are they just descriptors of human actions (and therefore not inherent)?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Is human culture evil?
A: ASK AGAIN LATER.
Q: Is religion an example of human culture?
A: YES DEFINITELY.
Q: Is it better to love people and ignore God than to love God and ignore people?
A: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Q: Do you think most people would misunderstand the meaning or intent of these questions?
A: AS I SEE IT YES.
Q: Will the Red Wings win the Stanley Cup?
A: MY SOURCES SAY NO.
S: Your sources are wrong.
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
Q: Does God exist?
A: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
This entry was posted by Ren, on
Friday, May 09, 2008.
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I love this post :) It brings the hilarity back into soul searching :) It made me laugh. You're full of good questions, Ren... and for the most part, I think your Malachi is a smart cookie. I'd let him tell me what's what, any day. I will write you soon, I promise!
--Trace
ps. btw, these are questions of great importance, really.
You have to be patient, though -- sometimes he can be indecisive. And if you try to shake the answers out of him he just gets all bubbly and you can't tell what he's saying anymore!
haha no rush at all, I think I gave Tolstoy a run for his money with that last email :)
Ponderous Cat cries fabrication of results.
Ponderous Cat is never wrong.
Strange visitor from another world who can change the course of mighty rivers and bend steel with his bare paws... Ponderous Cat and the socialist republics forever!
Troll.
Q: Is it better to love people and ignore God than to love God and ignore people?
A: WITHOUT A DOUBT.
Interesting..
sometimes if you shake him, you get an inbetween answer (the edge of the answer)
-Aly
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